Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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