I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
