I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
