Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
