I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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