Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Barsexuality is the new black.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
did i just pee glitter
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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