Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
