1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i came on her dog
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
