if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
