if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
