she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
