Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I cannot find my penis.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
