You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
