I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
