my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
