we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
