summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hippo gnu deer
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
