i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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