she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
