Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
