one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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