I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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