I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
