You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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