Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Randomize
