i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
