You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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