If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
