I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
