Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Farmville is her only friend.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
