When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
