I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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