I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
