My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
