why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
