Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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