The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
