We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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