Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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