I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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