Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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