ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Who died my cat blue again?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
