So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
