i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
