I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You pole danced in your parka.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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