I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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