I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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