I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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