Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
