I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
